Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
only you would photoshop your dick
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
