So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
