somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
