No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
BRING THE BAGELS
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize