I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
