He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
