Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
