Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
