Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
