youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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