that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
