i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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