felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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