i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
