Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
