I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
