Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
