I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
