how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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