my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
