oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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