using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
