I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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