I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
