I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
