Porn is love you can see.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
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