Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
