Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
