Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
