There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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