I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
