the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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