she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
