I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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