hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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