I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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