I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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