btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
