shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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