That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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