Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize