you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
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He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
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Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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