Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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