a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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