and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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