We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
