i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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