Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Randomize
