we're chasing vodka with high fives
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
