So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
