There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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