shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
