In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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