I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
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I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
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Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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