break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
