Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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