There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
high people should be assigned attendants
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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