Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Randomize
