Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
