I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
