; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
