I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
