I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
