My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
