that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
