I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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