it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
