this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
